[January 1st] And in the Spring I Shed my Skin

NB: I know it's far from spring, but these lyrics from "Rabbit Heart" by Florence + the Machine sum up how I feel about New Year. 

I’ve waited for January 1^st to write my End of 2011 post, because I needed to have this year behind me, if I am to discuss it. Of course, I missed on yesterday, because I prepared my short story “The Woman Who Wanted to Play Miss Havisham” for submission to Pandemonium: Stories of Smoke. I’m excited, because this will be the first proper SFF story with Bulgaria as setting I am sending out to do the submission rounds. It gives me a great thrill to have written it and include some social commentary on my own.

Most of all I have wanted to wait until January 1^st to include this cheeky picture, which does a splendid job at summing 2011 and my experience with it.

 I’m also playing Lily Allen’s “Fuck You” to emphasize how thrilled I am to say a very literal ‘Fuck you’ to the past year.

Theoretically, 2011 should have been a good year for me. I’ve landed a long term job position with all the right benefits and most importantly, steady income to help my family move along. I’m extremely grateful for finding a place in my current firm. The money ensured that we not only needn’t have wondered how to provide all the basic commodities and pay bills, but that I could contribute to paying off debts my family had for the better part of the last decade. We are not completely in the clear, yet, but I can’t stress how relieving it is not to fear the days in the calendar.

I’ve seen my wonderful, talented, loud-mouthed, wise-cracking, tough-as-nails sister through her toughest academic year, the high school entry exams, which in Bulgaria creates a shadow economy of private lessons. This is so because the education system fails to prepare pupils for the exams, which is why parents are forced to sent children to private lessons. Sometimes the monthly total exceeds what the minimum wage here is. Fortunately, my sister had teachers, who understood our situation and charged less. Now, I’m seeing my sister through her first year in the high school of her choice and I’m relieved that the next five years will be quiet in general.

Because I have steady income, I allowed myself the pleasure to plan and after years of intense wanton I realized my dream to visit a convention, which turned out to be the best experience in my life as a geek. I felt insane to be amidst all the talented people at Fantasy Con and give a handshake to the numerous people I have made acquaintances with over Twitter. It’s been madness for me and I’m immensely proud that I planned this trip on my own, executed it on my own and did not get fatally lost in the UK, which right there at the end constituted a real possibility.

As you can see, some of the big things in life are improving, yet, all of the above, I did alone. I had to work on a full work day, care for my sister [including all bureaucracy surrounding her exams, taking her to her lessons, jumping hoops, checking her homework and be for her in all her moments], work towards my Bachelor in Economics and in the meantime devote myself to the SFF community by reading, writing, reviewing and joining conversations. I still have to do all these things alone. My mother has been working on the other end of the country, while my father has disappeared completely from our lives upon the divorce. It’s my grandparents, my sister and I with me being the only adult within the age to do most of the bills and be the parent figure in my sister’s life.

Sometimes I feel trapped by all of this. Sometimes I feel remorse for feeling the first, because I have weathered a lot with my family as a unit. There are ties that run deep, strong and more powerful than I would wish them to be, because they make the possibility of a fresh start all the more complicated. Between running between these two absolutes, I have come to loathe the job that I have. I worked in the customer care department as a call centre operator and the stress led to health complications I never thought I’d be subjected to, one of them being quite the weight jump. I’ve bloated. Severely. Thankfully, I switched departments and now I’m in office heaven with so many funny, filthy-mouthed and dirty-minded peers. However, because 2011 had to be awful, a quick succession of small scale disasters happened, which I’m afraid almost broke whatever was in charge of sanity. I’m getting better, but I have never stopped asking whatever the fuck runs the show ‘haven’t you had enough’.

It comes to no surprise to say that my writing, reading and involvement in the SFF society has been minimal. I closed Temple Library Reviews, because I felt burdened by the whole thing. As always, I came to see myself as not one to fit in that mould for I set out to achieve goals, which could not be reached given the nature of my efforts. 2011 turned out to be a year of endings spring saw me part ways with Apex’s The Zombie Feed, where I worked for less than half a year. I’m extremely pleased with the results I had promoting Mark Allan Gunnells’ novella “Asylum” and Paul Jessup’s novella “Dead Stay Dead”. However, I did manage to become an assistant editor to Bryan Thomas Schmidt’s anthology project “Space Battles”, which comes out next April, and have engaged on a new editorial position, though I’m not at liberty to disclose the complete details as of yet.

On the writing front, I set out to edit “Crimson Cacophony” [now “Crimson Anatomy”] and I did to the point that it has been sent to beta readers and have critique to carry me out through a new round of edits. Other than this, I haven’t achieved anything worthwhile in terms of new words written. Projects have been started, projects have been finished [less often that I would like to], rejected or not edited to be sent out to venues, though I’m surprised I even did all of this. I even have two short stories accepted, which ought to be released some time this year. 

My reading has been disorganized and purposeless. I can’t even track the books I have done. Once I closed Temple Library Reviews, I announced it the year of Reading Unwisely and I think that this is perhaps the one goal that I realized to the fullest of its potential. I have, even so, reviewed for Innsmouth Free Press, The Portal, Rise Reviews, Pornokitsch, The World SF Blog and contributed non-fiction for Beyond Victoriana.

This past year gobbled me up, minced me with its teeth and spat me out. Given my crap track record, I have no reason to hope that 2012 will be any better, but I have my hopes, I have my plans and I’m a firm believer in the power of change. Even if it is only a principal change, I revel in the moment, when in less than a fraction of a second 2011 ceases to exist and then it’s a brand new year. I don’t live so much for the promise of the year being better as I do to bury the corpse of the last year.

All that shit above, hey, that was last year. The calendar is burning in the hearth, the evil has been exorcised, the bad is forgotten, the hard drive has been defragmented and the good has been backed up for the shitty days of the Blue Screen of Death. So I’m happy, fresh and the awfully archaic naïve and hopeful person, who has no place in this world, but here I am and at the moment, I feel like 2012 will be like this:      

     Art by Tsvetka aka Ink-Pot

[August 18th] First Sale: What does it mean?

I'm going for a simplistic piece. I'm a writer. It's me and the words.

Last Saturday, I’ve hit a milestone in my path [‘career’ sounds too presumptuous at this point] as a writer. My dark fantasy short story “Hurricane Drunk” has been accepted by the editor of Arcane Magazine for their second issue. Writing these words still feels a bit weird. I’m used to the rejection routine; send a short story and receive a rejection.

I literally had to reread the acceptance email to understand that I’ve done it. I’ve sold a story. To a magazine [awesome one at that]. A paying venue. It’s a simple thing that has happened. Someone said yes [though not just anybody, I always aim high]. Yet, this ‘yes’ resulted in a complicated emotional response. At first I roared [though in reality I probably sounded like a squeaking rodent, which found cheese heaven], I felt as though I have conquered the world. It still does.

Publication. One word and a thousand victories attached to it. It’s saying, ‘yes, I’ve been paid to have my short story appear in venue X,’ to the people, who ask ‘have you sold anything’ and try to belittle your craft. It’s receiving appreciation. It’s verification that you can do it. It’s the hope that this is just the beginning and that if you invest further, you may reap more. For me publication has an additional meaning.

It means that I’ve crossed the language barrier. It means that I get to slay my greatest fear in the face. Writing in itself is hard. Crafting stories in any language challenges the mind and has no exact regulations other than the obvious grammatical ones. Writing in a language that isn’t yours raises the bar and makes it ‘nigh impossible’ to an artistic soul with a paranoia [*clears throat*].

All the rejections I’ve received whispered to me ‘the editors can sense that you are slipping on a skin that is not yours; they can tell; they know and they will not have none of that.’ I don’t live in an English speaking community. I have no sense of how the language is spoken on a day to day basis. I’m not immersed in the cultural undercurrent connected to the language. How am I supposed to recreate the authenticity of the language, if I’m not exposed to it? This is the question, which burrowed between the lines of every paragraph I wrote.

I understand that I’m fretting over technicalities, but a story can’t live on a ramshackled stage. It doesn’t work, when the writing itself ejects you from what’s going on the page. This first sale proves that all my love for the English language comes across in my sentence structures and word choices and equates me to other writers at least on a technical level [bearing in mind that every writer has his/her unique voice].

What the first sale isn’t, is a law that states that from now everything will be fine and dandy. As people say, it’s easy to get published. It’s hard to stay published. The first sale is a promise of what may happen. Whether it does happen or not depends on the individual. Needless to say, I’ll work towards establishing my name in a niche. It seems possible, now that all doubts and fears are slumbering in their cave.

Series vs. Standalones

~

Since I started the topic of discussing writing goals and knowing what you want from your imagination, it’s smart to coordinate those goals with a good business sense and aim them so that you can expect a career from this in the end. It seems like I know what I’m talking about, but I can assure you that this is a brand new epiphany, sparked by my last post.

Because I’m obsessive compulsive and enjoy accomplishing things in the far future, I tried to picture what I’d be wrestling in January 2011 as far as novels went. The slot was blank and I had a few minutes to make a decision. I could poke at a brand new idea or I could just jump on a sequel. I knew that wonder writer C.E. Murphy juggled several series simultaneously before she landed her publishing contract. Her career is a product of her belief in her series and persistence in her pursuits. But this is what’s tricky with series. If the first novel is not good enough to be published, than all the time spent on the series is wasted. Though it can be argued whether honing your craft can be called wasting time. If the first novel in the series is also the very first novel the writer has ever written, then chances are that novel will not fair so well during submission stages. It’s how statistics roll, sadly.

This brings me to the other option, standalones. I know that most successes recommend that rough talents start with a standalone. The one time I ever got the balls to write to a big name author [it was the mighty Holy Lisle – Ed.] I received the reply that betting on the standalone would be wiser. You work on one novel, which is considerately less time spent than writing several installments in a series. This also makes it easier to accept rejection and that it will not sell. If it does get published and the writer gets his name out, then who says he can’t start the series he always wanted.

But SFF writers have the natural predisposition to create in installments. Be it modest duologies, cannon trilogies or the epic twelve part behemoths, when the SFF writer commits to a world, he takes his time exploring it.

And the question remains: Standalones or Series?

As a non-published person, I’ll stray away from the know-it-all tone. Instead, I’ll discuss what I intend to adopt as a writing model. Because I’m equally torn between three series [all exceed six books – Ed.] and standalone novels, my decision would set my priorities straight. I want to do all. I want to work with the intentions to get published and I also want to work on whatever I want to despite what is being advised [not delving into series, until a contract occurs – Ed.], so I’ll work on a new novel every time. After drafting and editing the first novel in a series, I plan to outline and develop a 20,000 word skeleton for the sequel, but leave the sequel at that. Then it’s on to the next novel. So on and so on, until, you know, I get published.

If I happen to sell a series, I will have a good starting point for the sequel. Once I settle in the swing of it, I imagine it being relatively easy to continue the series [given that you take notes and such beforehand – Ed.].

Because Publishing REALLY works like that...

~

Today in Economic Psychology class we had to analyze a case in order to practice what we learned about conflicts. This particular conflict occurred between two CEOs from different imprints of the same publishing house. The cause?

An author [of a book, I suspect not a well-known one] had spoken to the CEO of the whole house [I will call him Big Boss] about signing with them. The Big Boss redirects the author to CEO1, but the CEO is not present and CEO2 happened to spot the author and from ''Hi, what are you doing here at CEO1's office?'' went to CEO2 signing the author. The conflict arose, when CEO1 learned about this heinous act against him...

So, while I did the task [which was to resolve the conflict between the CEOs], I couldn't stop thinking how insane this is. I know it is a hypothetical situation and this case is ancient and from the archives, so maybe in the earlier years things may have been done a bit differently, I am still kinda stunned this is how people [or this person in particular; who wrote it] perceive publishing.

You write a book, slap it in front of someone and it gets instantly recognized as something that would win big money.

If this is how people see publishing, then it is no wonder that so many people want it and that so many people swamp agents and editors with manuscripts [and usually with no regard to the submission guidelines]. Scary, is it not?

A Writer's Prerogative

~

Note: I’ve had a bad case of the headaches, so I was behind the scenes recuperating, but also have been actively thinking about writing, agent hunting, the industry in general and all that has to do with the craft. It comes, when I am deep in a project and after my amazing UK beta reader supplied me with wonderful and encouraging news [which mean nothing in reality apart from the fuel to get my head in the game], I am way deeper.

---

Publication is the Holy Grail for a writer. The Alpha and the Omega; with it a writer can start calling himself an author. When you get that first short story featured in a magazine with pro rates or get that dream contract for a novel, you know that this is the first day of your career. It can be a short lived career, but I am confident that we all start with the battle plan that we will clutch into whatever foothold we have earned and then ascend. Perhaps, it is not my place to talk about publication, as I have yet to reach that stage, but I share the need to be published and have my work out there for the world to see and acknowledge.

Bluntly put the desire to be published breeds desperation, which more often than not results in bloopers, sometimes without consequences, but with a chance for catastrophe. Right now the times are ruled by immediacy. We want shortcuts. We beat around the rules. We undershoot to secure success. We deviate from the well established procedure, which takes time and does not ensure that our work will see the light of day. And technology has progressed to aid in the quest for publication. You can self-publish. You can serialize your novel through a blog or via a podcast. In my country we have a saying, which goes a little bit like this: ‘Who wants will accomplish.’

Frankly, it’s a writer’s prerogative to choose how to approach publishing. Christopher Paolini self-published, promoted and after a lucky meeting signed a profitable contract. On the same note there is also Todd Newton, who also self-published and because of the good buzz had his debut picked and soon to be re-released. J.L. Bourne serialized his novel on a website, started a forum and after his ‘Day by Day Armageddon’ picked an underground momentum did he sign a contract. Cory Doctrow is another prime example of successful novel serialization, but it actually occurred after his debut. J.C. Hutchins [if memory serves] garnered thousands of an audience with his ‘7th Son’ as free audio, which led to a contract. You may recognize some of these names. Some are well known. Some are not, but these all testify that you can start at an obscure destination and then work forward.

[BIAS] However, these are exceptions to the rule and it’s the exceptions that people pay most attention too, and it’s the exceptions that most aspiring writers count on. Because, we are all snowflakes. This is an argument I had with a friend, who has no understanding of how things are. She is a case of ‘I-have-heard-I-think-I-am-well-informed-so-I-know’. According to her I had to do everything in my power to get published. No matter what. Without caring whether it is read or not. Liked or not. It is art. If it doesn’t make it, then it is simply misunderstood and I have nothing to lose. She would not accept that I did not find these methods as best strategies. According to her I was picky, when I was not in a position to be picky.

In theory, yeah, sure I can everything that is not listed as the common practice. Possibly I win some, possibly I lose some. Chance is unpredictable. But to me the right way to get published for me is finish a book, revise a book, find me an agent, then find me an editor and then start me a career. I am not trying to sell propaganda or preach about the One Holy Truth. How one gets published is a writer’s prerogative.

Nevertheless, I am going to say why the traditional, well-trodden combo of steps is the right way for me and how speeding things in order to achieve momentary self-satisfaction will [or maybe not, who am I to say] cause you more headaches and possibly weed out chances to get in the business as an author.

Publishing is dual, therefore treacherous. First, we publish to celebrate the artistry and skill of the human mind to fabricate wondrous tales. Yet, we do it to make money. And as such we do our best to pick the right book, the right audience and the right moment, when the mood is [yup] right to celebrate the art. It’s a business and most writers are not business bloodhounds, so that is why we have agents and editors. Through our interactions with these people, writers can learn to approach the manuscript from the needed distance to administer the modifications required to become published and stay published. I am looking forward to a career. The way I see it with me, this is going to happen with navigation by professionals, who got the business aspects covered.

Pushing it is bound to give reasons for regrets later on rather than the other way around. Here is some wisdom from the ever professional and helpful Editorial Ass:

This is hard news to swallow, so I'm going to type it in boldface. It's better not to be published at all than to get published in an inferior way. Doors begin to close if you try to take shortcuts. Instead, take your time to do things right. Accept no compromises.

and Nicola Morgan:

Successful publishing is not just about this one book: it's about you as a writer, and you will carry your first book with you for the rest of your writing life. Yes, if you go on to be stunningly successful, you may not mind too much, but a poor first book nowadays can make it difficult to go forward, partly because poor sales figures can no longer be hidden.

I agree with their opinions. Having a bad track record is worse than having none at all, because publishing takes time, efforts and resources without a promise for the publisher that there will be a return of investment. The logic here is that if your work is only good enough for short lived unknown magazines and small publishers, who can’t even hire a decent cover artist, then maybe your work is not publishing material at all and in general, so nobody will bother with you. While agents, editors and publishers will give you the benefit of the doubt as a nobody, because who knows.

Does this mean I discredit people, who have chosen otherwise? No. Because, how one gets published is a writer’s prerogative and I feel ecstatic, when I hear about a story with a happy ending after a writer has self-published, podcasted or serialized. More power to these people. In the end it all boils down to personal convictions, estimations of their own strengths and, I believe most important, thinking long-term rather than short-term.