The Nature of Change

I believe I have completely lost the ability to communicate my inner thoughts on the blog. At best I can share my opinions, at worst it's all about news, but right now I will go for a more personal approach as I'm entering in a completely new era so to say. Life Offline has been good to me as of late with the last few months really helping me crystallizing my goals, amending my plans for the next three years (roughly; I'm a planner) and then adding some more goals I want to accomplish. 

Here's a slight breakdown of what I pooling my resources into doing: 

1) Lead an insanely geeky project for work, which has been heading towards its official start and might even bleed out into something else completely. 

2) A marketing campaign for the new Tales to Terrify, Volume 1, which will soon hit the shelves. 

3) Complete two short stories for invites I have received; complete a novellette proposal and then work on a novella before the end of the year. 

4) Outline on "Air Boy", which will oficially be renamed into "Breath Eater". I'm very happy I passed through the barrier that held me back on this story. 

5) Work towards moving this blog to a new domain and launch with a brand new identity. As my interests have widened, I want to reflect the change and I intend on doing this through a brand new platform. 

I intend to accomplish a lot in the coming months, both professionally and creatively, so there is only room to grow. These big, good things that have been happening over the course of August and September made me think about change. And what's a more literal change than changing physically? I have been a sucker for the magical transformation since Sailor Moon right to the 90's X-Men cartoon, which saw very flashy costume changes, which I still consider metamorphoses. I intend to change physically and this brings me to the one thing I have failed at year after year. 

The biggest challenge I think in terms of building the correct habits (a long list that has proven to be) concerns my weight and dietary habits. I have grown up with nothing denied, which is decidedly bad for a person with a passion for chewing and a sweet tooth to boot. Now, I'm nowhere near health risks, but I can feel my body out of sync and that is not something I want to continue to experience. July was the month I pushed myself to a healthier eating patterns and it's been a gradual change. What I did wrong in the past with my previous diet changes was to force my body into a sudden transition and the resulting shock to my organism brought me back again to the very cause of my problem.

Change, the good change, the worthwhile change, takes time and mistakes will be made. I'm undertaking a new step towards tightening the control over my body and this time around I will not be paranoi about what I do every second and obsess over what I should not eat. I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is not the type of thing that you can force and expect no backlash. Change will come one step at a time and one should always look towards the future rather than focus on the immediate effects. 

"The New Hero" Anthology by Stone Skin Press

Book I want: “The New Hero” anthology to be released by Stone Skin Press

Cover: The cover art has been provided by Gene Ha, who will haunt my aesthetic wet dreams from now until I pass into a better place. What is there not to like here. The cover incorporates a very classical Ancient Greek fresco with anachronistic images to convey the meaning of the title. I honestly crave this book because of the cover.     

ToC:

Ezekiel Saw the Wheel, Julia Bond Ellingboe

Better Off Not Knowing, Jeff Tidball

Warrior of the Sunrise, Maurice Broaddus

The Midnight Knight, Ed Greenwood

The Thirty-Ninth Labor of Reb Palache, Richard Dansky

On Her Majesty’s Deep Space Service, Jonny Nexus

Cursebreaker: The Jikininki and the Japanese Jurist, Kyla Ward

Against the Air Pirates, Graeme Davis

Fangs and Formaldehyde, Monica Valentinelli

Bad Beat for Aaron Burr, Kenneth Hite

Charcuterie, Chuck Wendig

Sundown in Sorrow’s Hollow, Monte Cook

A Man of Vice, Peter Freeman

The Captain, Adam Marek

Mood: The “what do I do with myself?” variety of energetic.   

Coffee Cups Chugged: The magic number three.

Song Selection: “Push” by Garbage

TV Show: RuPaul’s Drag Race  

Book: “Solaris Rising” edited by Ian Whates

Movie Last Seen: The Iron Lady – kind of a drag, but Meryl Streep is gorgeous, so you have to watch it.

Current Writing Project: “The Tracks that Tower over Forgotten Valleys”   

PS: I was totally inspired by Monica Valentinelli to adopt this bullet point presentation. 

[February 22nd ] Weird Wednesday, Project Hiatus & Blogging Changes

I hope this sets the tone nicely

There’s been no Weird Wednesday for awhile. Oh, you noticed? How nice! I feel special and cuddly just by thinking about you guys. First, there were exams. Then, there was fatigue and chronic lack of sleep. Now, a very nasty back pain is responsible for the delays in updates in the Weird Wednesday feature.

Well, since we have gone down this thorny road, why not get with the program and expect to see something [anything really] by the mid-goddamn-summer. Cause guess what? Weird Wednesday is going in a wee bit of a hiatus, until after June. Why, you might ask?

The question is a rather simple one to answer. Because my university runs on a campaign of complete misinformation, I had to receive primary information through the rumor mill about what I as a student had to do in order to apply to work on a thesis. Mind you, I already knew what I would be writing about and have it all worked out.

However, the university set the bar higher for those, who want to apply, from 4.50 overall grade to 5.25. Of course, I’m not a straight A [6.00 in Bulgaria] student, but a firm B student [meaning my overall grade sits at 5.00 firmly]. This means that I’m not qualified to apply for thesis, which is the considerably easier way to go about graduating. The rumor mill had been going Charlie Sheen crazy about what the new qualifications were going to be. The university conveniently leaked no information about any of the guidelines for thesis, which should be so high on their priority list. The consensus among everyone is that the new head appointed in our department wants to read a lot less than previous years. It suits him to give out as less as possible information and ruin it even for those, who are eligible to apply.   

Anyway, I finally had to check for myself, whether the rumor mill was correct and honestly, since I’ve found no official information on the website, I hoped that it was all nonsense. Well, it wasn’t. So now, I’m going to be one of the misfortunate ones revising material from two years ago. I have confirmed nine disciplines I’ll have to freshen up on and five, which I’m not that sure of.

So you see why I can’t really continue with my regular, big projects, but instead of complete hiatus and going off the grid, I will just blog shorter. More snippy, snappy comments and less snore-fests of posts.

Well, dearies. Let the torturous study begin.        

[January 31st] Dear Aspiring Writer Dude

Dear Aspiring Writer Dude,

I haven’t written to you, maybe because I never thought I’d take my split personality fetish to my blog, but I consider writing to you, because you are beginning to look like a stoner caught in an endless phase of the munchies and there is only so much sugar before your body decides to flip you the bird and slap you the bad kind of diabetes, which coincidentally has deep roots in your family tree.

I appreciate how valiantly you fought during your exams, even though the amount of studying you did barely covered the minimum. I also admire your ability to handle the late nighters at work so that you could study in the morning and I also think that some time off of everything is a good award. You did a brilliant job at not buying an axe and going The Shinning on some of the people, who annoyed you during your low-on-sleep periods. Certainly, you managed to learn the days of the week and not to make a mess of the launch of the podcast, whose fiction and non-fiction pieces you are responsible for. Overall, good job.   

Selling your soul to 9gag, though, was a low blow. You know how you are when it comes to a brand new shiny. You know you can’t resist it and that you keep coming back to it. Addiction is not beautiful or elegant in any of its manifestations and yours to 9gag is not any different at. This is why you should get your butt in your chair and get cracking. You didn’t write all the goals with the idea that they will complete themselves through their own volition.

Don’t allow fear to keep you off your chair and your work.

Best,

Your Conscience(?)*

*Do writers have one?

PS: I realize I have missed a lot features, but I will catch up. 

[January 16th] To-Do List Apocalypse

As you can tell by the lack of posts, I'm extremely busy though I missed at least five great opportunities to share my opinion on relevant topics such as the bitch fight over a negative review written by Liz Bourke at Strange Horizons [oh boy that was a delicious fight] and a matter of female objectification as led by Jim C. Hines. All rather brilliant, but at the moment, I'm amidst preparing a final paper for this semester, dealing with domestic warfares in my household and preparing all the future shows over at "Tales to Terrify" [more on that later] and writing for "Weird Wednesday" [thankfully I prepared earlier this time and am having help on polishing the rough edges].

This is why I'll leave you in the company of naughty pen and his nerd dirty, dirty talk.

I think the follow-up to that was "You will fit me like a glove".

 

[January 5th] Quiet Mouths, Loud Thoughts

I have a scheduled a post, but because of my exam, I haven't had the time to write it down. The good news is that I passed. Instead, I have a wonderful quote that a colleague of mine has sent me.

[January 2nd] Onward, Fair Steed of a Journal

With the 2011 recap out of my way, I can truly focus on what is to come. As with every year, I have set expectations for myself high as ever. I believe that this body and mind of mine can do more than I’m doing with them, so every year I challenge myself, more mentally than I’d like, but I consider taking bringing my body into the mix as well. I’m aware that I will fail, I always do, but as a friend of mine says ‘shoot for the stars and you just might end up on the moon’. I’ve taken to this advice and even though I know that I probably won’t transform into my wish fulfillment character, I will end up achieving more than I would have chasing after this ideal of me.

I'm not sure why I'm including this photo; I guess I'm trying to say: Be afraid, be veeery afraid.

Some people know discipline firsthand, others bribe themselves with treats. I know that I will cheat either way, so overworking it is. This post will focus on the goals I have set myself for my blog.

1. I’m more than ever determined to blog on a regular basis. Last year has been scandalously quiet, which I can’t afford, considering that this year I’m getting serious about my career here, now, even though I’m without adequate material for submission, agentless [kinda obvious why] and rather a minor fraction of the sphere. The rest of my goals have pretty much to do with fulfilling this one as well as help me establish my identity.

2. Cover more books. I’ve been awfully out of touch with what’s been published and what is hitting shelves, so I’m more than ever ready to comment on books that I have bought, read, am reading or want to read. Knowing me, this will more often than not manifest in critique of the cover art, which is how a book engages me in the first place, more often than not.

3. Weird Wednesday. I think I’ve discussed this, but come this Wednesday I’ll do an official launch of my Weird Wednesday feature, which will be a yearlong review of The Weird, the monstrous tome edited by Jeff and Ann VanderMeer.

4. I’ve decided to revive the Culture of Bulgaria feature, where I’ll tackle the national beliefs, holidays and cultural traits, which I’m more or less a product of. This decision stems from my intention to better understand myself as a Bulgarian and reflects my interests in non-fiction, fiction reading and fiction writing.

These are my immediate goals, which I see as doable, until I graduate, which should happen by July this year. I’m counting the days, until I can part ways with my university, which has pretty much been a negative element in my life for the past four years. Once I have the whole bachelor thing behind me, I will see whether I can bring some more plans together, though I assume they will be nothing grand.

And what about you? Any ideas for reinvention?  

[January 1st] And in the Spring I Shed my Skin

NB: I know it's far from spring, but these lyrics from "Rabbit Heart" by Florence + the Machine sum up how I feel about New Year. 

I’ve waited for January 1^st to write my End of 2011 post, because I needed to have this year behind me, if I am to discuss it. Of course, I missed on yesterday, because I prepared my short story “The Woman Who Wanted to Play Miss Havisham” for submission to Pandemonium: Stories of Smoke. I’m excited, because this will be the first proper SFF story with Bulgaria as setting I am sending out to do the submission rounds. It gives me a great thrill to have written it and include some social commentary on my own.

Most of all I have wanted to wait until January 1^st to include this cheeky picture, which does a splendid job at summing 2011 and my experience with it.

 I’m also playing Lily Allen’s “Fuck You” to emphasize how thrilled I am to say a very literal ‘Fuck you’ to the past year.

Theoretically, 2011 should have been a good year for me. I’ve landed a long term job position with all the right benefits and most importantly, steady income to help my family move along. I’m extremely grateful for finding a place in my current firm. The money ensured that we not only needn’t have wondered how to provide all the basic commodities and pay bills, but that I could contribute to paying off debts my family had for the better part of the last decade. We are not completely in the clear, yet, but I can’t stress how relieving it is not to fear the days in the calendar.

I’ve seen my wonderful, talented, loud-mouthed, wise-cracking, tough-as-nails sister through her toughest academic year, the high school entry exams, which in Bulgaria creates a shadow economy of private lessons. This is so because the education system fails to prepare pupils for the exams, which is why parents are forced to sent children to private lessons. Sometimes the monthly total exceeds what the minimum wage here is. Fortunately, my sister had teachers, who understood our situation and charged less. Now, I’m seeing my sister through her first year in the high school of her choice and I’m relieved that the next five years will be quiet in general.

Because I have steady income, I allowed myself the pleasure to plan and after years of intense wanton I realized my dream to visit a convention, which turned out to be the best experience in my life as a geek. I felt insane to be amidst all the talented people at Fantasy Con and give a handshake to the numerous people I have made acquaintances with over Twitter. It’s been madness for me and I’m immensely proud that I planned this trip on my own, executed it on my own and did not get fatally lost in the UK, which right there at the end constituted a real possibility.

As you can see, some of the big things in life are improving, yet, all of the above, I did alone. I had to work on a full work day, care for my sister [including all bureaucracy surrounding her exams, taking her to her lessons, jumping hoops, checking her homework and be for her in all her moments], work towards my Bachelor in Economics and in the meantime devote myself to the SFF community by reading, writing, reviewing and joining conversations. I still have to do all these things alone. My mother has been working on the other end of the country, while my father has disappeared completely from our lives upon the divorce. It’s my grandparents, my sister and I with me being the only adult within the age to do most of the bills and be the parent figure in my sister’s life.

Sometimes I feel trapped by all of this. Sometimes I feel remorse for feeling the first, because I have weathered a lot with my family as a unit. There are ties that run deep, strong and more powerful than I would wish them to be, because they make the possibility of a fresh start all the more complicated. Between running between these two absolutes, I have come to loathe the job that I have. I worked in the customer care department as a call centre operator and the stress led to health complications I never thought I’d be subjected to, one of them being quite the weight jump. I’ve bloated. Severely. Thankfully, I switched departments and now I’m in office heaven with so many funny, filthy-mouthed and dirty-minded peers. However, because 2011 had to be awful, a quick succession of small scale disasters happened, which I’m afraid almost broke whatever was in charge of sanity. I’m getting better, but I have never stopped asking whatever the fuck runs the show ‘haven’t you had enough’.

It comes to no surprise to say that my writing, reading and involvement in the SFF society has been minimal. I closed Temple Library Reviews, because I felt burdened by the whole thing. As always, I came to see myself as not one to fit in that mould for I set out to achieve goals, which could not be reached given the nature of my efforts. 2011 turned out to be a year of endings spring saw me part ways with Apex’s The Zombie Feed, where I worked for less than half a year. I’m extremely pleased with the results I had promoting Mark Allan Gunnells’ novella “Asylum” and Paul Jessup’s novella “Dead Stay Dead”. However, I did manage to become an assistant editor to Bryan Thomas Schmidt’s anthology project “Space Battles”, which comes out next April, and have engaged on a new editorial position, though I’m not at liberty to disclose the complete details as of yet.

On the writing front, I set out to edit “Crimson Cacophony” [now “Crimson Anatomy”] and I did to the point that it has been sent to beta readers and have critique to carry me out through a new round of edits. Other than this, I haven’t achieved anything worthwhile in terms of new words written. Projects have been started, projects have been finished [less often that I would like to], rejected or not edited to be sent out to venues, though I’m surprised I even did all of this. I even have two short stories accepted, which ought to be released some time this year. 

My reading has been disorganized and purposeless. I can’t even track the books I have done. Once I closed Temple Library Reviews, I announced it the year of Reading Unwisely and I think that this is perhaps the one goal that I realized to the fullest of its potential. I have, even so, reviewed for Innsmouth Free Press, The Portal, Rise Reviews, Pornokitsch, The World SF Blog and contributed non-fiction for Beyond Victoriana.

This past year gobbled me up, minced me with its teeth and spat me out. Given my crap track record, I have no reason to hope that 2012 will be any better, but I have my hopes, I have my plans and I’m a firm believer in the power of change. Even if it is only a principal change, I revel in the moment, when in less than a fraction of a second 2011 ceases to exist and then it’s a brand new year. I don’t live so much for the promise of the year being better as I do to bury the corpse of the last year.

All that shit above, hey, that was last year. The calendar is burning in the hearth, the evil has been exorcised, the bad is forgotten, the hard drive has been defragmented and the good has been backed up for the shitty days of the Blue Screen of Death. So I’m happy, fresh and the awfully archaic naïve and hopeful person, who has no place in this world, but here I am and at the moment, I feel like 2012 will be like this:      

     Art by Tsvetka aka Ink-Pot

[December 26th] Post-Christmas Plan

With Christmas behind me [thank god], I can unlock my bunker’s hatch and see the sun [or an approximation of the sun; the weather is far from grand, but you get my point] without any of the unnecessary, forced cheer. While I do like the idea of Christmas and what it theoretically represents as a holiday, Christmas festivities have morphed into a vehicle for maintaining the appearance of satisfied, joyous family union to the point you really have to go down the rabbit hole of self-delusion to squeeze out the promised Christmas spirit. Unless of course, you are a member of a family, which has not been warped by this reality into a squinting cynic, and you really do have a jolly good time at every Christmas. Congratulations, you’re a better person than me or a character in a Christmas movie [yeah, I’m snarky when it comes to Christmas].

Anyway, I’m done talking about Christmas. I’m already looking towards the passing of 2011. It’s passing excites me and I’m scheming what to do with the whole of 2012, when that tiny New Year’s moment elapses, when December 31^st shifts into January 1^st. Unlike most people, I don’t view New Year’s Eve as an excuse to consume alcohol with reckless wanton, though I see it too often among my peers, which I’m sure is common, since New Year’s Ever has been the biggest party in the calendar since I’m old enough to remember, but to me New Year’s the time to shed a skin you don’t need, leave yourself pink, fresh, with nerve endings naked and virginal, but heeding the lessons of past years. It’s a restart button on a simply calendar level and I love it.

After I’ve read “Booklife” by Jeff VanderMeer, I think that I’ve been on the right track to get some general ideas on how I want the year to pass, but I’ve been missing the strategic element to bind my goals from year to year in a Master Plan, which will ensure that I reach my overall goals for a minimal amount of time. I’ve come to understand that knowing what you want is a lot different from knowing how to get what you want. So without further ado, I have drafted a five year plan and the achievements I want to have to my name. With that in mind, I’ve found a course of action to support these plans. It sounds all very general, but this is my warm-up post to a week of publicly stating what I will cut down on and what I will emphasize on come next year, because I believe that stating these goals to a broad audience creates a pact. If I’m to keep these goals to myself, I’m much more likelier to cheat [yeah, I’m a douche like that], but stating my intentions on the web will keep in line.

In general, I envision my 2012 to have more reading, writing and exercise and less TV, 9gag and unhealthy foods. It’s a scary perspective, hard to reinvent my personality type, but I don’t see myself lasting longer, if I don’t lead a healthier lifestyle, for the sake of my body and mind.

Do you guys make plans?  

[December 15th] Shoot Your Writer's Ego, Wallow in Self-Pity

I feel as if I'm wearing my insides out in such situations.

 I’ve had some time to think this through. For the reason that I can adorn any situation with far too much drama than it’s needed, I choose to stay away from personal topics on this blog, but I’m beginning to grow confident that I can present some ‘real life’ experience in my posts. It’s a good time as any to dispel some of the mysteries that surround my person [believe it or not I’m a prime suspect of being a sentient cat with the ability to type in QWERTY].

Since this story is more of a moral, which has a lot to do with writing, I think it’s best shared here out in the open. As you can see by all the ‘I think’, ‘I this’ and ‘I that’ sentences I’m all self-conscious about what happened at my day job, so here’s hoping that you don’t think ill of me [and you can definitely recognize how too many episodes of Downton Abbey have left a mark on my turn of phrase].

My office job for the past three months [I switched departments before attending Fantasy Con this year] has me writing eight hours per day. It’s simple writing with a simple purpose and a low level of importance. This means that as long as I manage a lot of it everyone is happy, but here comes the ‘but’ thing. Being a writer among non-writers can be deceptive of how good you really are and because my writing [influenced by my fiction-writing style] used English a bit more imaginatively my mistakes either have not been mentioned to me or could not have been pointed out to me by non-native speakers, which my day-to-day superiors are. What we have is a recipe for a big ego [being constantly asked to translate words and how to best write a certain phrase] with no safety net [so far there is no challenger on the front].

Since I pride myself in being this good in English [though I’m sure this blog post is filled with God knows how many imperfections, which I’m not picking up no matter how hard I try], it’s fairly easy for me to get my head stuck in the clouds. I love receiving the praise, not for the sake of attention whoring, but because I associate my childhood with weekends spent inside the house scribbling words ad infinitum. I think I had to write Thursday more than a hundred times to get it right and remember it. I still hate this day, when I mention it in English, mainly because of my ordeal learning it. My friends used to play outside. I had a dictionary and one hell of a mother, who fits the profile of the constantly ridiculed cliché of an Asian parent. I’m not regretful. I didn’t think much of being in the same private classes with students two-three years older than me. I just love English and when I’m praised, I feel validated to the point I may develop a bit of an ego.

Thankfully, that ego got shot down Tuesday, when the editor in charge of the sales copy team I’m working under [new set of duties for me] had me brought over to discuss changes to the first website copy I had written. Oh boy was it a humiliating. I can’t understand how a person [my editor is from Texas, so I’ll call him Editor Tex] can say that he likes what my material and at the same time chop down every sentence I have written and rephrase until you can’t tell it has been written by me.

Editor Tex is an awesome person, by the way. I can see that he is indeed trying to help me and where he was able to explain why the changes in some expressions was needed [words with negative connotations of any variety should be replaced with words that on a subconscious level are all about sunshine and smiles] I immediately wrote those down. However, there were changes, which I didn’t understand. Editor Tex couldn’t provide an exact answer as to why he made them and went on to explain how there are subtleties to language use [the purpose of the editing session was to teach me those], but without really presenting an argument for the changes in sentence structure.

My initial reaction to all of this was: Holy flying cow from Jupiter, can I string one sentence together correctly? It was as if I had never studied the language, as if the sacrificed hours had amounted to nothing. I fully realized that this is needless dramatic gut response, but at the time I couldn't help it. Thankfully, I kept repeating myself that this is not about me, but about the writing. At the same time, how I can separate myself from the writing, when my English is my work. It's my grand work, which has lead to this individual ones. All so complex on an emotional level. 

I don’t know what to make of this situation. To the people I have confided the situation, I’m to ignore some of the more perplexing changes Editor Tex makes as to a matter of taste and to take away what I do find useful. Another individual told me that to her Editor Tex abused his power as an editor, providing destructive-rather-than-constructive critique. It’s tricky territory to be in as I greatly respect editors and I’ve grown comfortable receiving bathed in red works I have given to readers with far superior understanding of the English language. It’s just proof that a language is so rich that it always gives you more to learn and I’m happy to learn. But I can’t deny that sitting there for closely 45 minutes [all spent on a page and a half] humiliated me in ways I can’t even begin to comprehend. I don’t hold anything against Editor Tex and I certainly can’t imagine having anything else than a verbal discussion. Yet, having to sit there and hear the editor wonder how he can make sense of my sentences, because my phrasing was so off and in real time… Far from pleasant. If there ever was a version of the SAW franchise to do with writing, then my experience would qualify.

In short, I’m grateful that I work in an office, whose superiors are invested in helping their employees work to developing their skill sets. I’m big enough a boy to understand that there is no chance I will nail this sort of writing from the first time around. I’m also grown up enough to admit to myself that I’m far from being the best, never will be and that the best I can hope for is constant improvement [but given that I shut up, shoot down my ego and get cracking]. I will have to grow thicker skin, because fine tuning how a non-speaker uses English so that it convincingly mimics a native speaker [while living in a non-English-speaking environment] is going to be tough, humiliating and humbling. No other way around it.

I’ll leave the floor for you guys. Do you think I’m a whiner? What are your nightmare stories connecting with editing sessions?

[December 9th] Not Writing

 

Befitting the title don't you think?

I’m not writing. It’s the antithesis of what I am, I know, but I haven’t been sitting and I have not been committing to the new techniques, new routines, new promises. Partially, I find my mind distracted by the changes occurring in the real world.

My job definition is constantly at fluctuation, where I have to pay constant attention to it even outside the office; recalibrate my goals, redistribute my time and engage with my duties in a way I haven’t been asked to do in my other positions. First, because I haven’t had the chance to work in an office and hold a responsible before. Second, the nature of SEO is shifting with the blink of an eye, so I have to adapt and take every new project in stride and not rely on any routine. As you may know, I thrive on routines and every aspect of my life struggles, if I’m not in some sort of control over my routine.   

The semester is coming to a close and while control during the semester has been non-existent and I focused on my work life, I have to write a series of papers on less than thrilling topics. No mistakes are allowed. The stakes are rising and while I’m relatively secure on some of the topics, already having scored high results on one of my papers, I’m not so optimistic with the follow-up papers in terms of delivering them with ease, even knowing what’s expected from me. Exam month is closing in as well with January seeing a major shift in my work, study and therefore personal program.

Then there are the Secret Projects I have been working on. One for Jaym Gates and one that is not to be announced until later on. What I’m at liberty to discuss is that it demands a fantastic amount of preparation and production. Working on this Secret Project has taught me the value of developing a clear idea, devising a plan and starting off from as far as possible, if you wish to achieve a great result and I believe that once I can announce the details the project will go ballistic over the community.

So, this is me not writing. Why have you not been writing? [I know some of you haven’t been and you might as well admit it].  

  

[December 1st] Sad Kraken is Sad and Lonely

Nothing to report as of it. December has come. Christmas is being dragged from its grave once again, too early, and I'm in an introspective mood. I'm quilting my thoughts together on a few things and waiting on an announcement, which should be due already. In the mean time, enjoy the image of a Kraken above.

[November 26th] A Night Among the Bulgarian Cultural Elite

Yesterday was the official book launch of Angel Angelov’s “The Act of Walking on Water”, a pleasant affair, though a bit lengthy, highlighting the release of a slim collection of shorts. I randomly learned about the event thanks to a newsletter from my favorite bookshop in Varna “Shakespeare & Friends”, which organized the event, provided wine and a buffet to boot. The event, given the capacity of the bookstore, was successful with over twenty people attending, which is a full house in my book. 

Unlike most readings/launches I have been to [my experience is limited to this year’s Fantasy Con] the emphasis fell down on dialogue between the author and the guests, rather than any of the stories. Angelov didn’t read his works, nor did he discuss his collection. I felt no attempt of a sales pitch either, which I found so very different from what I’m observing in the West as behavior during such events. 

From what I gathered, Angelov is a well-established niche author, one of the difficult ones to read, so there is no appeal for him to generate any hype. His built-in audience, no matter how small will track his works and to me it seemed that this audience consists of other intellectuals rather than mainstream readers, although that may not be true. If it is true, then that confirms my belief that the Bulgarian literary community is close-circuited as evidenced by the number of creators in attendance [literary critics, painters and theater folk]. 

The downside of this particular book launch was that it was more about the author rather than the book or the potential readers. I understand that with friends and personal acquaintances as the majority of the audience, there would be no incentive to ‘sell’ the collection, but at some point the event became as a sort of gathering to venerate Angelov and his strengths, which I considered to be tasteless, albeit good-natured and probably well-deserved. What I also didn’t find all that enjoyable was the tactless use of the space, where the author seemed to overstay his welcome in the bookstore. Obviously, from my conversations with the bookstore owners, there were no negotiated terms on how long the event should have lasted. 

Even with these small imperfections, I had a good evening, which turned me into more of an active participant in the event as I had to translate in real time, from English to Bulgarian and from Bulgarian to English, as the bookstore owners are both English speakers. Also, I was the night’s oddity, being the only person under thirty [even under forty] interested enough to stay and have a few chats. Business cards were exchanged, photos were made. All in all, a great evening for meeting the Bulgarian cultural elite. 

Your turn. Tell me what event you were recently? Did you like it?

[November 23rd] The Death of Anne McCaffrey

I've just been able to come to the intertubes and I was floored with the news that Anne McCaffrey had died and yes, my title is intentionally dramatic. I personally have not had the pleasure of reading her work, although I had in my sights. Even unfamiliar with her body of work, I know of the influence Anne had in the community as evidenced by the long list Charles Tan has assembled with tributes. 

Christie Yant over at the Ink Punks has written a post, which pretty much sums up how I feel about the passing of such a profilic author. I have to agree that I wish I have read her novels and send my thanks when she was alive. I'm not sure I would have loved them, but authors need to have a connection with their fans, need to know that they are needed. 

I'm convinced Anne has had many people come to her with letters of gratitude and appreciation, but it never hurts to appreciate a good person [a fantastic author with a sprawling legacy in our community] while we have the chance. Something happens when an author dies; to the readers, to the writers, to the community as a whole. It's sad, irreversible and rings a bell that time is fleeting and you should make the most of it, even in your literary explorations. Don't be reactive, be proactive, when experiencing an author. Say 'thank you'. Cause you may never get the chance otherwise. And for me, meeting Anne will happen only through her work.  

[October 19th] Time Out, Get Your Scuba Gear On

I have no idea, who the artist is. If you do, tell me, cause this is brilliance.

I'm a bit quiet these days as the week did not start on a positive note for me. Apart from the nasty cold Sunday, the weather turned truly ghastly. There was a storm the likes of which Bulgaria has not even dreamed about. Varna, which is on the coast, nearly drowned. The harbor half-sunk and the streets became canals.

I got all wet on Monday, trying to get to work in this weather, while the nation announced a code orange. Tuesday I found my house deathly cold, leaking and isolated in a small sea with literally no transportation to and fro. You know, other than inflatable rafts. Not kidding. The water level was high enough for inflatable boats and with the streets reduced to interconnecting rapids you could have a free rollercoaster ride. Naturally, I had to work from home, in the cold with fingers ready to snap from the chill.

Thankfully we had food, power, running water and the Internet so there was no crisis situation. Since my house is on a hill we sustained little damage overall, but there is the stress of the whole ordeal that disrupted my blogging routine. I expect to return to it sooner rather than later.

[October 16th] Editorship, Walking Dead, Books, Short Stories

This post's image is called "Howlls" by artist Greenviggen.

It’s a mild update post with random things that may or may not interest you enough to care or comment, because it’s largely personal rather than opinionated post.

1] Editorship. I’ve concluded my slush reading duties for Bryan Thomas-Schmidt’s anthology Space Battles, but that doesn’t mean that the work is done. I’m considering a heavy campaign to promote the anthology around the Internet, probably month-long as soon as I get to see the cover. I’m thrilled with this project as the writers Bryan has selected are talented and breathe excitement in their work.

In the mean time, I submitted my application for the spot as guest editor for The Future Fire. Submissions are accepted through the whole of October and in short, The Future Fire plans to publish themed issues, which will be edited alongside guest editors. The guest editor has a say in what the theme will be, who the targeted authors will be, the work, the promotion and the funding, which is an excellent learning experience. I will keep my theme a secret, until I can confirm an involvement or not.

2] The Walking Dead premiers its second season in the US today, which means the pilot will be available in Bulgaria the following Monday [unbelievable]. This premiere will activate my duties for Innsmouth Free Press as I’ve agreed to do an episode by episode review. I won’t be comparing the series to the comics, because I stopped following the series a long time ago and as far as I know the series is taking liberties with the source material as it is.

3] I’m progressively growing aware that I don’t develop my interests and maintain my focus on fantasy fiction. While on its own, this is not so bad, I’d prefer not isolate myself in this tiny bubble. The world is wide, books abound. Time to expand my horizons. Right now I’m in the middle of my first memoir called Wild Swans by Jung Chang, then I’m considering buying a few books on marketing and commercials.

4] The months I spend in revisions and edits on Crimson Cacophony [though I’m considering changing that title to Crimson Anatomy, tell me whatcha think] has left me in a bizarre mental state, where I can’t disconnect from the voice or the world or the editing mode. Slowly, I’m acclimatizing to creation rather than improvement. I’ve sat to plot stories for the Lungs story cycle and the sheer diversity that I’m reaching within my mind propels perpetual creativity. It is a very nice place to be in, I admit. However, my creative process on the cycle will have to wait for another post.

So what have you been up to?

[October 14th] I'm The Minion-Assistant

I love the publishing industry. It's only the writing that holds my interesting. I love the books. Their physical manifestation, their layout, their dimensions, their texture, their existence and because of this all encompassing love I like to play in different fields: review books, interview their authors, do some slush and editing and now promote them.

I've had my first marketing position with Apex's The Zombie Feed project, which gave me immense personal satisfaction, but my life didn't permit to stick to it and grow, so now I'm starting slow with small steps as Jaym Gates' personal minion-assistant. I'm not going to be talking about what I will be doing with and for her on my blog or on the web, other than the cryptic "secret project/assignment" tweets and mentions. It's neither my place to do so, nor do I believe it to be professional behaviour. However, I'm quite excited to be allowed to enter this side of the publishing industry.

Thank you, Jaym.

[October 10th] FantasyCon 2011

I’m reporting what happened in Brighton on a Wednesday, way after it’s appropriate to report a convention, because I decided to spend the Monday in Brighton. The journey home started on Monday in the early afternoon and I changed the following vehicles: train, bus, plane, taxi, bus, taxi for nineteen hours. The good from this situation was that I read The Concrete Grove by Gary McMahon, which as you might have heard on Facebook is bloody brilliant and you must read. A special thanks to cheery as hell Gary for signing the book at 3am in the morning and the celestial being, which ensured I did not end up in Botswana [I was so very focused on reading, after all].

First con. First international tripped, planned and executed as a solo mission. A lot could have gone deathly wrong, yet it didn’t. All in all it’s a success. Brighton greeted me with cheeky sunshine, blokes with pasty, naked chests and girls, who genderbendered like chromosomes didn’t matter. The Brighton atmosphere contributed to one of those warm, cozy, baked to a golden crisp moments you can’t decide on if they’ve transpired or if in actuality you’ve gone through one really convincing acid trip. Not that I’d know what an acid trip is like…

First and last panel picture, cause I'm shit as a photographer and I'd rather not blind the panelists as I make a failed effort after another.

The organization behind the con impressed me, which I assumed is the norm for any British event, though I heard that the Nottingham edition impressed no one. Panels ran on time. Busy helpers chased deadlines, tapped suggestively on their clocks when a discussion extended beyond its assigned slot, tended to every con-goer’s needs and maintained one of the strongest happy moods I’ve seen. The panels were informative and while I didn’t learn anything that I’ve not already learned [no, I’m not pretentious; I just don’t have a social life and I’ve read a lot of posts by a lot of people, who are experiencing being published and fighting to stay that way], I confirmed that I had not formed any delusions.

The readings proved to be a tremendous success. Adam Christopher convinced me that I’m going to have to be on a lookout for an ARC of Empire State*. Anne Lyle acted out a light-hearted and promising dialogue from her upcoming book, while Robert Shearman almost made me cry. I mean literally. His reading came with the appropriate pantomime and I believed that he was in fact a distraught stewardess, who had slept with a Frenchman. I enjoyed the press launches with Solaris’ free-for-all signed books buffet and cupcake fiesta, topping the charts.

From a social angle, I placed a face [and a body] to a substantial amount of the people I know from Twitter. Adele [@hagelrat] became my Fairy Con Mother and I trailed behind her and a quiet Vincent Keen [@Fiskerton] for the majority of the weekend. My late night chat with Amanda [@ALRutter], Marc [@Marc_Gascoigne], Adam [@Figures], Alex [@Alex_Bell86] and Anne [@AnneLyle] goes down in history as one of those surreal moments you wish don’t end. Everything else is rather and in no proper order, but I met up with Ian Sales, Neal Harris, Mike Shevdon, MD Lachlan, Gary McMahon, Jenni Hill, Michelle Howe, Tom Pollock, Jaine Fenn, Tom Fletcher, Lavie Tidhar, Ian Whates, Simon Marshall-Jones, Steve Mosby, Mike Crispin, Stephen and Michaela Deas, Danie Ware. God, it continues. I’m thrilled to have met the TRUE Overlords, Marc Gascoigne and Lee Harris as well as a charming Jon Weir. Of course, my meets and greets compared not to what Laura Lam performed as socializing. It’s as if the girl cloned herself and I think I saw her pretty green shirt in EVERY room.

Yes, that's Jon Weir. And he's not pretending to know me. He knows me. Kinda.

During FantasyCon I said my weirdest set of words: ‘sentient, sarcastic talking refrigerator’.

I also promised myself that I will not buy books, but succumbed to weakness and bought oh so many pretties. I’m extremely proud of my Sourdough and Other Tales by Angela Slatter as I have spent enough money on it to live off for two weeks in Bulgaria. I’ll do a separate post on the books tomorrow, so this is it. I loved it. Thank you everyone for being so welcoming and helpful and patient, when I asked my weird foreigner, touristy questions. It’s been a blast and I will do it again.

PS: I’m sorry if I didn’t mention someone on this post. If I completed that list, it would seem as long as a short story.

---
* Yes, the original post said that I did have an ARC, which is not true, cause I don't, but I wish I do even though official ARCs are yet to be printed. Not an intentional lie [travel lag], but a mistake that still looks incredibly bad. Apologies.

[September 26th] FantasyCon

I'm announcing it, officially, with all the fanfare and nyan cat colored lights. I'm attending my first ever con, FantasyCon, which opens this Friday in Brighton. The programme has been announced as well, which is a huge relief. I need a couple of days to make sure that I make all the right choices and visit most of what's available. I'll attend my first author reading and I'll have to somehow NOT buy tons of books... Yeah, not buy... *sigh*

I'm excited is an understatement.

In the mean time, six more chapters to go. Can I do it?

[August, 2nd] In which July sucked

I’m going to have yet another of those whiny posts, sharing just what I have been up to this July. I owe nothing but full transparency of my actions, trials and tribulations, which have so heartlessly prevented me from exercising my constitutional rights to forsake my real time life in the pursuit of online happiness.

In this moment of time, had I been a character I’d be the fat old lady in a corset, whose always a bit tipsy, always a bit swaying to either side and not always with her full set of marbles. She would be prone to sighing and drawing dramatic gestures with her fan. Yes, I am in fact the 18th century version of your drunken grandma. Deal with it.

July spared no mercy. I braved through the obligatory 48 hour summer flu, which whacked me senseless during the weekend. Then I spent two weeks getting fillings at the dentist, which meant sleepless nights due to the aching tooth. In those days, you learn that painkillers can and are willing to be your bestest friends in the whole wide world. Summer also meant crazy times at the office.

Despite all that, I’m quite happy. I fulfilled my beta reading duties for Theresa Bazelli, half of them anyways. In between that, I crammed in some reading, though for that I’ll present a very detailed report later on. Surprise, surprise I started final revisions on “Crimson Cacophony”, you know that novel I started in 2008 and kinda avoided to revise and edit.

August abounds with promise. Let’s just I don’t screw things up.

So what are your plans for August?