[December 15th] Shoot Your Writer's Ego, Wallow in Self-Pity

I feel as if I'm wearing my insides out in such situations.

 I’ve had some time to think this through. For the reason that I can adorn any situation with far too much drama than it’s needed, I choose to stay away from personal topics on this blog, but I’m beginning to grow confident that I can present some ‘real life’ experience in my posts. It’s a good time as any to dispel some of the mysteries that surround my person [believe it or not I’m a prime suspect of being a sentient cat with the ability to type in QWERTY].

Since this story is more of a moral, which has a lot to do with writing, I think it’s best shared here out in the open. As you can see by all the ‘I think’, ‘I this’ and ‘I that’ sentences I’m all self-conscious about what happened at my day job, so here’s hoping that you don’t think ill of me [and you can definitely recognize how too many episodes of Downton Abbey have left a mark on my turn of phrase].

My office job for the past three months [I switched departments before attending Fantasy Con this year] has me writing eight hours per day. It’s simple writing with a simple purpose and a low level of importance. This means that as long as I manage a lot of it everyone is happy, but here comes the ‘but’ thing. Being a writer among non-writers can be deceptive of how good you really are and because my writing [influenced by my fiction-writing style] used English a bit more imaginatively my mistakes either have not been mentioned to me or could not have been pointed out to me by non-native speakers, which my day-to-day superiors are. What we have is a recipe for a big ego [being constantly asked to translate words and how to best write a certain phrase] with no safety net [so far there is no challenger on the front].

Since I pride myself in being this good in English [though I’m sure this blog post is filled with God knows how many imperfections, which I’m not picking up no matter how hard I try], it’s fairly easy for me to get my head stuck in the clouds. I love receiving the praise, not for the sake of attention whoring, but because I associate my childhood with weekends spent inside the house scribbling words ad infinitum. I think I had to write Thursday more than a hundred times to get it right and remember it. I still hate this day, when I mention it in English, mainly because of my ordeal learning it. My friends used to play outside. I had a dictionary and one hell of a mother, who fits the profile of the constantly ridiculed cliché of an Asian parent. I’m not regretful. I didn’t think much of being in the same private classes with students two-three years older than me. I just love English and when I’m praised, I feel validated to the point I may develop a bit of an ego.

Thankfully, that ego got shot down Tuesday, when the editor in charge of the sales copy team I’m working under [new set of duties for me] had me brought over to discuss changes to the first website copy I had written. Oh boy was it a humiliating. I can’t understand how a person [my editor is from Texas, so I’ll call him Editor Tex] can say that he likes what my material and at the same time chop down every sentence I have written and rephrase until you can’t tell it has been written by me.

Editor Tex is an awesome person, by the way. I can see that he is indeed trying to help me and where he was able to explain why the changes in some expressions was needed [words with negative connotations of any variety should be replaced with words that on a subconscious level are all about sunshine and smiles] I immediately wrote those down. However, there were changes, which I didn’t understand. Editor Tex couldn’t provide an exact answer as to why he made them and went on to explain how there are subtleties to language use [the purpose of the editing session was to teach me those], but without really presenting an argument for the changes in sentence structure.

My initial reaction to all of this was: Holy flying cow from Jupiter, can I string one sentence together correctly? It was as if I had never studied the language, as if the sacrificed hours had amounted to nothing. I fully realized that this is needless dramatic gut response, but at the time I couldn't help it. Thankfully, I kept repeating myself that this is not about me, but about the writing. At the same time, how I can separate myself from the writing, when my English is my work. It's my grand work, which has lead to this individual ones. All so complex on an emotional level. 

I don’t know what to make of this situation. To the people I have confided the situation, I’m to ignore some of the more perplexing changes Editor Tex makes as to a matter of taste and to take away what I do find useful. Another individual told me that to her Editor Tex abused his power as an editor, providing destructive-rather-than-constructive critique. It’s tricky territory to be in as I greatly respect editors and I’ve grown comfortable receiving bathed in red works I have given to readers with far superior understanding of the English language. It’s just proof that a language is so rich that it always gives you more to learn and I’m happy to learn. But I can’t deny that sitting there for closely 45 minutes [all spent on a page and a half] humiliated me in ways I can’t even begin to comprehend. I don’t hold anything against Editor Tex and I certainly can’t imagine having anything else than a verbal discussion. Yet, having to sit there and hear the editor wonder how he can make sense of my sentences, because my phrasing was so off and in real time… Far from pleasant. If there ever was a version of the SAW franchise to do with writing, then my experience would qualify.

In short, I’m grateful that I work in an office, whose superiors are invested in helping their employees work to developing their skill sets. I’m big enough a boy to understand that there is no chance I will nail this sort of writing from the first time around. I’m also grown up enough to admit to myself that I’m far from being the best, never will be and that the best I can hope for is constant improvement [but given that I shut up, shoot down my ego and get cracking]. I will have to grow thicker skin, because fine tuning how a non-speaker uses English so that it convincingly mimics a native speaker [while living in a non-English-speaking environment] is going to be tough, humiliating and humbling. No other way around it.

I’ll leave the floor for you guys. Do you think I’m a whiner? What are your nightmare stories connecting with editing sessions?

[December 12th] Of Books and Innuendo, a Meme

Today I have a little cheeky challenge, which I've picked from Rhube's Tumblr In Search of Happines Max. The picture below says it all and since I'm oh-so-adventurous I decided to try it myself, because what's the harm of trying.

My book was 'By Myself' by Lauren Bacall, which I finished over the weekend. The quote is below:

“It was my first night – opening night, the theatre was packed – I was terrified and I didn’t even have to open my mouth.” 

Here's the deal. I want to see how adventurous you are and whether you can have fun with this joke. Take the nearest book, do the meme and then post your answers here. I will edit them pack in my post and see where it goes. Let's have a laugh and let the books be the judge of us rather than the other way around.

[December 11th] From Reactive to Proactive Reading or How I changed My Reading Patterns

I'm sexy and I'm reading

In my preparation for the Weird Wednesday feature, whose launch date remains as January 4^th 2012, I have encountered something about my reading I have not paid much attention to and I assume is private due to the nature of my language situation. I know enough English to write, read and express myself on an above average level among my peers, who have had the same educational profile and have not studied English at university level. Reading books has never been challenging, apart from those written in an intentionally modified English [“The Color Purple”] or older books [“The Vampyre”]. Being a native benefits the reading experience in such cases, but otherwise I’m doing fine with literature.

Or so I would think. Until recently, I’ve been ignoring a trend in my reading, exemplifying an interest in quantity of reading rather than quality. Back in my school years, when I studied in a private group every weekend on top of my school studies, my teacher used to make us read everything and anything. Newspaper articles, magazine articles, book passage, passages from a more scientific text, from and outside our textbooks. Eventually we moved to books and we had to read a book over the summer, mark down all the new words and add those to our own vocabulary, so that when the time came to talk about the books, a barrier has been lifted and I understood more about the book. This continued during high school, where I studied typical US/UK classics such as The Picture of Dorian Grey, The Scarlet Letter, Pride and Prejudice and Jane Ayre. While I enjoyed all these books, I can’t say the same about the reading, notes with new words, bringing out the dictionary, spending afternoons writing the new words and pronouncing them and then returning to the text. This killed the joy in reading and at the time I had grown to be an avid, if a bit slow a reader.

You have to understand that for a teenager, studying causes an allergic reaction, which brings out chronic postponing of any kind of academic activities. At the time, I felt like studying will never end for me and I tried to avoid anything to do with studying. So when I graduated and took up reviewing, I took to reading for pleasure, which is to say that I only read. Never tried to engage with the text in another way. If there was something that I didn’t understand then I would use the context and go on with the story. Sometimes this helped me get through some books easier with minor communication breakdowns between me and the text. Other times I had lucked out and did need a dictionary to help me along the way. “A Book of Tongues” is a perfect example of how the prose acted against me, no matter how much I loved reading this twisted tale. This time around I did try to get out some of the words, translate, then assemble all the fragments of understanding and confusion into a coherent narrative, but seeing as how I fell behind on my schedule and diminished chances of reading more books, writing more of the self-serving reviews I did back then, fighting to come ahead the bloggers who read more and faster, I rushed the process and never returned to it.

It’s complicated to explain what I mean by ‘passive’ or ‘reactive’ reading, but it deals with a preoccupancy with number of books read, the act of having read something, stating that you have completed a novel everyone else has, modeling choices of books based on trends in the blogging circles [where the ‘new shiny’ rules, not that I have anything against it]. It’s easier to blame external forces for this behavior, but that’s not quite true, because I made all decisions when it came to my own reviews and blogging. Subsequently, I took stories with dragons and magic to be simple stories about magic and dragons without thinking further. A friend of mine once told me that SFF literature is the most potent of all kinds of genres, because it has layers upon layers to utilize and comment upon our own reality, better than other genres have. I’m quite proud to say that the man is a psychologist, erudite and has serious, always active views on everything.

Yesterday, as I started to read The Weird edited by Ann and Jeff VanderMeer I faced a rather winding and ornate foreword by Michael Moorcock. I had difficulties catching on to some of his thoughts and felt lost in the general purpose of the text. The language barrier rose high as it had back during my school years and I had a choice. Read it once and try to decipher it on my own in the privacy of the back of my mind or surrender, grab the dictionary and return to where I began all those years before in reading in English.

I grabbed the dictionary. Read the “Foreweird” by Michael Moorcock and the introduction by the VanderMeers, sat down with a journal for my thoughts, a notebook for the words that I did not know and Longman’s Dictionary of Contemporary English and studied. Contrary to what I expected, studying this time around brought immense pleasure. For obvious reasons, doing anything because you so choose is pleasing in itself as opposed to forced practice from any educational institution. But there is more than that. The fact that I chose to return to this text and re-read with the new words in my mind stimulated my thought process, pushed me to add something from myself into my opening post for the Weird Wednesday feature based on the words of Moorcock and the VanderMeers rather than summarize as I usually happen to do. I think that this is what pro-active reading is all about, opening to the text and working on how the words can influence me. Needless to say, this process for me has to be more conscious and I can’t say for certain if anyone can relate to me. Language is not a tough barrier to remove. You think you know it, but then it surprises you.  

In short, I’m leveling up, which is quite due, seeing as I’m in my twenties already and time is not waiting for anyone.

I think I went overboard with this post and I doubt anyone has hung long enough to make any comments, but I’d like to hear from you about your adventures in reading. How has your act of reading changed given any given circumstances?

[December 10th] The Books That Have Not Been Read

 One of the activities I’ve been failing at in 2011 is keeping my reading active and diverse. I’ll probably touch on the subject in my year end posts, but I have read around twenty books and I am not too proud of that fact. A rather slow and disorganized year, which has a lot to do with real life, personal rebellion and the passive nature of the act of reading. The result are titles, which I’ve been accumulating over the months. Promises I have made to authors to read and mention their books, not for the sake of hits or promotion [although writers need the word of mouth to remain alive and well in the public’s memory], but because I trust my judgment that I’ll enjoy these books and that in one way or another they will contribute to my development.  

Dear readers, meet my books. Dear books, don't cry. You shall be read. 

Long Fiction:

1] Empire State ~ Adam Christopher

2] Shotgun Gravy ~ Chuck Wendig

3] Kultus ~ Richard Ford

4] Wolfsangel ~ M.D. Lachlan

5] I Wonder What Human Flesh Tastes Like ~ Justin Isis

6] Gorel and the Pot-Bellied God ~ Lavie Tidhar

7] Osama ~ Lavie Tidhar

8] Alchemy of Stone ~ Ekaterina Sedia

9] Unseen World ~ Sean Cummings

10] Funeral Parlor ~ Sean Cummings

11] Serial Killers Incorporated ~ Andy Remic

12] High Society ~ Paolo Chikiamco [graphic novel]

13] Harmonica and Gig ~ R.J. Astruc

14] The Book Thief ~ Markus Zusak

15] The Color Purple ~ Alice Walker

16] The Time Traveler’s Wife ~ Nancy Niffenegger

17] Regicide ~ Nicholas Royal

18] Infernal Devices ~ K.W. Jeter

19] Morlock Night ~ K.W. Jeter

Short Fiction:

1] Like Twin Stars ~ edited Cecilia Tan & Kelly Clark

2] Hellebore and Rue ~ edited by JoSelle Vanderhooft and Catherine Lundoff

3] Irregular Creatures ~ Chuck Wendig

4] Subversion ~ edited by Bart Leib

5] Alternative Alamat ~ edited by Paolo Chikiamco

6] The Weird ~ edited by Ann & Jeff VanderMeer

7] ODD? ~ edited by Ann & Jeff VanderMeer

8] Sourdough ~ Angela Slatter

9] Evolve Two ~ edited by Nancy Kilpatrick

10] The Grinding House ~ Kaaron Warren

Non-fiction:

1] Jurisdiction ‘in optima forma’ or why Orthodox Slavs had no witch hunts ~ Maria Schnitter

2] Charms and magic ~ Iveta Pirtova

3] Prayer Magic ~ Maria Schnitter

4] Bulgarian Folk Magic ~ Ivanichka Georgieva

5] Historical Roots of the Magical Fairy Tale ~ V.Ya.Prop

6] The History of Sexuality ~ Michel Foucault

7] Hermaphrodites and the Medical Invention of Sex ~ Alice Dreger

8] Intersex ~ Catherine Harper

9] Almost Perfect ~ Brian Katcher  

10] Time of Death, Decomposition and Identification ~ an Atlas by CRC Press

11] The Cambridge Companion to Modern Chinese Culture ~ edited by Kam Loule

12] Handbook of Japanese Mythology ~ Michael Ashkenazi

13] Revenge of the Penmonkey ~ Chuck Wendig

14] Confessions of a Penmonkey ~ Chuck Wendig

15] 250 Things You Should Know About Writing ~ Chuck Wendig

You have the word guys. Tell me what you plan on reading? How far behind are you on your reading and do you actively plan to read?

[December 9th] Not Writing

 

Befitting the title don't you think?

I’m not writing. It’s the antithesis of what I am, I know, but I haven’t been sitting and I have not been committing to the new techniques, new routines, new promises. Partially, I find my mind distracted by the changes occurring in the real world.

My job definition is constantly at fluctuation, where I have to pay constant attention to it even outside the office; recalibrate my goals, redistribute my time and engage with my duties in a way I haven’t been asked to do in my other positions. First, because I haven’t had the chance to work in an office and hold a responsible before. Second, the nature of SEO is shifting with the blink of an eye, so I have to adapt and take every new project in stride and not rely on any routine. As you may know, I thrive on routines and every aspect of my life struggles, if I’m not in some sort of control over my routine.   

The semester is coming to a close and while control during the semester has been non-existent and I focused on my work life, I have to write a series of papers on less than thrilling topics. No mistakes are allowed. The stakes are rising and while I’m relatively secure on some of the topics, already having scored high results on one of my papers, I’m not so optimistic with the follow-up papers in terms of delivering them with ease, even knowing what’s expected from me. Exam month is closing in as well with January seeing a major shift in my work, study and therefore personal program.

Then there are the Secret Projects I have been working on. One for Jaym Gates and one that is not to be announced until later on. What I’m at liberty to discuss is that it demands a fantastic amount of preparation and production. Working on this Secret Project has taught me the value of developing a clear idea, devising a plan and starting off from as far as possible, if you wish to achieve a great result and I believe that once I can announce the details the project will go ballistic over the community.

So, this is me not writing. Why have you not been writing? [I know some of you haven’t been and you might as well admit it].  

  

[December 7th] The Nature of Best-Of Lists and Having Your Voice Out There

 Books you consider to be the "best" should blow your mind, then implode and restructure your skull and brain in ways you have not anticipated, but you like. Great books hung and haunt your memory, perception and creativity. 

I'm participating in the proud tradition of Smugglivius hosted over the Book Smugglers' blog. It's a month long event with bloggers and authors sharing their very best picks from books and media for the past year, which is epic scale as far as The Best-Of lists and events are concerned. 

The concept of ranking books is ludicrous to me. I can't quantify joy. Joy cannot be measured and even if it could be, every book would be a source of different joy, unless you are reading in a very niche, niche subgenre [detective stories about the supernatural death of Lincoln with flying monkeys involved in some constant way throughout every novel]. It's why I don't quite like these lists, which seem to centre around a set of criteria as to how best rank certain books. 

  

When I ran Temple Library Reviews, I paid more attention to these best-of lists, because I sensed a certain trend among reviewers as to what rose to popularity in certain circles, which is more or less obvious given our nature to create a sort of mini societies, where ideas and recommendations are exchanged. I myself don't believe in the ranking itself; the system that determines, which is number one and why and why book "X" should switch position with book "Y". Should book "Z" even be on the list or is book "W" a better fit? 

I'm not sure whether or not these thoughts cross reviewers' minds during "Best-Of" seasonal preparations, but creating a list is not something someone with a love for their blog will consider lightly. Perhaps it's the cynic in me at the time, who whispered about the potential insincerity of others and the more marketing oriented motifs others had [more or less provoked by my too unhealthy drive for competing with others]. Perhaps there are bloggers, who pick books in order to secure more ARCs and review copies from hot new publishers. I'm not ruling that out. 

This year I'm freed from prejudices. I don't have a review site, I don't have a territory like I though I did, I can talk about books and review books without the numbers game shuffling in the back of my head [what I can say, it's one of my many failings] and see the good in the "Best-Of" lists as emphasis on books  enjoyed, words that have left an imprint and stories that have caused spiritual alterations. They are about managing to squeeze in your voice and try to persuade someone to discover and share your love for any given book on the list, because favourite books are no JUST the writer's intellectual property, they belong to the reader as well.

[December 6th] "By Myself" by Lauren Bacall

As of late I’ve been enjoying Lauren Bacall’s cheery, bubbly autobiography “By Myself” and I don’t want the book to end, but I’m crawling slowly to the finish line. The end is near, but I decided to voice my thoughts as they come to me. It’s different than my critical approach to a work and I don’t believe that there is something to get out of a biography thinking critically about it, not the way you would do a novel.

Obviously, “By Myself” is geared towards a different generation, whose members have been at one point exposed to the names bombed heavily through the book’s pages. Through some of my American pop-culture exposure, I have recognized almost half the names Bacall lists at any given time, but since the Boggart-Bacall family had an active social life, it’s inevitable. I don’t know so much, because it just gives me other personalities from the past to explore.

What drew me in “By Myself” was the cover art, which demanded my attention the second I laid my eyes on it and as with “Wild Swans” the book was a gamble on my part and another good pick. I guess I’m born with the intuition to judge good books by their extraordinary titles [in this case, the author’s name and the book’s title are switched, which I, at first, understood as the book being titled “Lauren Bacall” and that the ‘by myself’ bit was a hint that it was an autobiography written by the actress herself – hopefully without the aid of a ghost writer] and cover art. While I do believe that there is something noble in seeking beauty wrapped in rags, I deny that my epidermis shifts with waves of pleasure when I hold brilliance pampered and styled for the privilege of being in my hands. What can I say? I’m an egoist when it comes to the reading experience.

“By Myself” entertains me, because the Hollywood glory days have some indescribable sway over my imagination. My definition of class and pedigree [even people’s vices at the time had class] is visually anchored in the 1950s, despite the locale. To be honest, some of the classiest people in Bulgarian public life, of stage, music and screen rose to prominence during the 50s and 60s, despite communism’s long and over-extending shadow. To be introduced to a point of view, which has experienced those days firsthand, is thrilling to me as a reader. To have my Peeping Tom tendencies tickled, oh what joy. 

Lauren Bacall is a sympathetic voice. I adore every chipper and honest sound she creates with her persona. If America can boast with sweethearts, then Lauren Bacall would be one of them, but let’s track back to the sounds and the book. It’s rarely that I ‘hear’. I either experience the wonders of ‘hallucinations’ reading or feel through every page. This is the first book to have me imagine the voice of the author and narrate every sentence to me. I think that this method of reading was enhanced by the fact that I couldn’t place any faces to names as I’m probably the worst physiognomist in the world. The only other option for me was to direct my mind in a different direction. I’m saying this a reader, it’s fun to re-invent the act of reading. You get something more, something else and unknown, if you fine tune your perception and approach any work in a distinct way. I guess that’s also a reason why people tend to re-read, but this is topic for another post.

Last, but not least, the rise and fall of any artistic soul is relatable to every other. It makes no difference, if you are a dancer, writer, singer, painter, sculptor or actor as the case is, feelings of anxiety, fear, hope, pleasure and love for the craft are universal. It’s uplifting to read about the success of a talented and pure human being and dream that the big break is right around the corner. I also assume that readers, who have been through the ups and down career-wise can relate to Bacall’s hurdles and struggles. All in all, I’m happy.   

[December 5th] "Subversion" edited by Bart R. Leib

Today is the release date of a rather interesting anthology, which I'd like to bring to your attention. What caught my interest is the fact the cover, which speaks for itself and is especially striking considering the current political and economic climate on a global scale. Here is more from the press release from Crossed Genres, which have always brought quality fiction through their Crossed Genres Magazine in the past. I'm especially interested to see the socio-political criticism, which is hinted at with the cover. 

Subversion: Science Fiction & Fantasy Tales of challenging the norm

‘Traitor’ or ‘revolutionary.’ These labels are two sides of the same coin, just as ‘hero’ or ‘villain’ depends on the point of view of the person telling the story. These are obvious concepts when spelled out in clear cut settings. Because of this, how one goes about subverting the norm (as a traitor or revolutionary) is based on what the norm is. What is normal in one society can be, and often is, taboo in another society. This allows tales of subversion to be subtle, blatant, personal, communal, and endless in variation.

- from the Foreword by Jennifer Brozek

Subversion: Science Fiction & Fantasy tales of challenging the norm is an anthology of stories about striking back at the status quo – whatever that might be. The Authority can be real or perceived; the act of subversion subtle or overt; and the consequences minute yet significant, or immense and world-shaking.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Jennifer Brozek – Foreword

Jessica Reisman – “A Thousand Wings of Luck”

Camille Alexa – “And All Its Truths”

Melissa S. Green – “Pushaway”

Daniel José Older – “Phantom Overload”

Kelly Jennings – “Cold Against the Bone”

Barbara Krasnoff – “The Red Dybbuk”

Natania Barron – “Pushing Paper in Hartleigh”

Kay T. Holt – “Parent Hack”

Jean Johnson – “The Hero Industry”

Cat Rambo – “Flicka”

Shanna Germain – “Seed”

RJ Astruc & Deirdre M. Murphy – “Scrapheap Angel”

C.A. Young – “The Dragon’s Bargain”

Wendy N. Wagner – “A Tiny Grayness in the Dark”

Timothy T. Murphy – “Received Without Content”

Caleb Jordan Schulz – “To Sleep With Pachamama”

Cover art: “New Generation of Leaders” by Brittany Jackson

ISBN 978-0615533292

To place orders for the book, for review copies, or for additional information, contact Crossed Genres Publications

Email: publicity@crossedgenres.com

[December 3rd] The Weird in its Cephalopod Beauty

After rave reviews, heightened publicity covering and Weird Fiction Review, a website launched with regular material provided, all in the name of the weird movement in literature, I ordered my copy of the VanderMeers' latest monstrosity bound by ink and paper The Weird.

I've been captivated by the dedication the VanderMeers have placed in their promotion of different, peculiar fiction [often with a mad glint its glassy eye and a smile that carries the charm of an inter-dimensional morgue chamber] that is yet to claw its way to the spotlight [or maybe it has, but people are too afraid to admit it]. "The Weird" will be my indoctrination into this cult so openly led by two prophets of the tasteful bizarre. Inspired by the in-depth coverage provided by Maureen Kincaid Speller over at her blog Paper Knife, I'm tasking myself with the idea to read and place my thoughts on each of the more than hundred stories on this blog come 2012.

This will be one of the directions I'll be heading in for Through a Forest of Ideas next year. "The Weird" and all subsequent release of non-fiction connected to this anthology is of great interest to me and my writing.      

[December 1st] Sad Kraken is Sad and Lonely

Nothing to report as of it. December has come. Christmas is being dragged from its grave once again, too early, and I'm in an introspective mood. I'm quilting my thoughts together on a few things and waiting on an announcement, which should be due already. In the mean time, enjoy the image of a Kraken above.